The character that was never there

TOP 5 TV SHOW CHARACTERS THAT NEVER APPEAR ON-SCREEN

Taking a break from the silver screen, I'd like to commend some of televisions greatest characters. 

It's a common device of television producers and writers to create a character and never cast it, never hire an actor, and never show the character on-screen. Here's a tribute to those characters that I consider to be the best of the best at never being there. 
  

(warning: minor spoiler alerts, proceed with caution, oh ye of little television watching...)

5. Troy Garland (a.k.a Evie's Dad):Out of this World

As a child of divorce whose parents at one time lived on opposite sides of the country, this show really spoke to me. Evie's dad, Troy, was technically further away than mine, and she had a much cooler method of communicating to him that seemed to work whenever she needed him -- but the message still rang true for me as I am sure it did for a lot of other kids in my generation: long-distance parenting sucks. And what better way to convey the distance (both real and perceived) by never actually showing the main character's father on screen? Troy is the alien father of Evie who is 1/2 alien, 1/2 human due to the procreating practices of her parents. Evie lives full time with her mother while Troy went back to his home planet to help fight a war. Evie uses a 'cube' to talk to her dad, which closely resembles the technology of a land-line speaker phone but has the ability to reach other planets. Troy makes a few on-screen appearances but never without a mask covering part of his face. Most of the time he is just a voice on the other end of a super 90's looking futuristic crystal cube that opens like a clam shell. True character development gold. 

4. Dr Claw: Inspector Gadget

Doo-da-do-do-do Inspector Gadget Doo-da-do-do-do-do-do ooh hoo! Seriously, you should re-listen to this theme song; it has some decent beats for an 80’s cartoon series. Dr. Claw’s body is never revealed on-screen except for his hand with the Lady-Gaga-esque metal glove. His faithful companion M.A.D cat seems to be his only friend in life -– proving that life is lonely at the top; especially if you’re an evil asshole. As a kid, I remember feeling that twinge of anxiety each time his hand would come on screen. I thought for sure some day they would reveal his entire figure. I was determined to find out. And sadly disappointed when it never happened. I heard that you can see his face fully revealed on the video game…but at this point it seems a little sacrilegious – like I would be scoffing at the integrity of the TV show.  What if the rest of him looked like Barney Fife? Or worse, Lady Gaga?? No, no, that’s better left unknown. 

3. Tino: My So-Called Life

Oh Tino, I always wanted to imagine you as an equally dreamy Hispanic/Italian version of Jordan Catalano. Even though I knew deep down that you probably more closely resembled Krazy-8 (a la Breaking Bad). And he’s attractive - but come on - he’s no Catalano. Tino is Rayanne’s friend; Tino is in Jordan’s band ‘Frozen Embryos’; Tino is never to be found but always around. He is the connector of the cool kids at his high school and perhaps this is because he is so elusive. After all, no one got cool points in high school for showing up. I wouldn’t be surprised in Angela Chase had never met him. And thus, his character is perfect as unseen.

2. Ugly Naked Guy: Friends

Ugly Naked Guy is said to be a composite of several neighbor-experiences the writers of Friends had while living in New York City. After the show aired, they received a letter from a person who grew up in the building that the show uses as stock footage for exterior shots. She claimed that there was, in fact, an actual ugly naked guy living in the building across from hers. After examination of this, I must conclude that it is not so much a remarkable coincidence as it is incredibly common for people to walk around naked in their apartments. Having lived in a downtown domicle for over 6 years with buildings that are in close quarters, I can say with certainty that people do walk around naked when they are at home.  Though not as committed to the lifestyle as Ugly Naked Guy is purported to be, people like to strip to their skivvies when hanging out at home. Hey, even Joey admitted to partaking in Naked Thursdays…

1. Stanley  Walker: Will and Grace

Known to Will and Grace fans as Karen Walker’s rich, powerful, and morbidly overweight third husband, Stan Walker tops my list as a the best unseen TV character for many reasons. As an unseen character, he sure wasn’t passed over where story lines were concerned. In fact, entire episodes and arguably, entire season arcs were based on his characters actions off-camera. Never before has an unseen character been put into prison for tax evasion, cheated in his wife while in prison resulting in their separation only later to die, resulting in a full episode dedicated to his funeral. And then it gets interesting…He comes back from the dead, revealing himself to Will and admitting that he was just hiding out and receiving help from the government. Karen finds out and more drama ensues, all the while not a glimpse of his being is ever visually revealed.

*Honorable Mention*
Wilson: Home Improvement

Honorable mention goes to Wilson from Home Improvement because although the shows writers and producers went to great lengths to never show Wilson's face below the halfway mark, he is an 'on-screen' actor appearing in 203 episodes that span all 8 seasons. And, his entire face was finally revealed in the series finale which makes it hard to fit him into this category of 'unseen actors'. But it was hard for me to write this post without including him somehow, so I give him honorable mention - as I am sure he would express appreciation toward, and then wax philosophical on the subject of honor and gratitude.